From: Russ Brown <inside_grip@yahoo.com>
Subject: Dead Cow review revisited
Is this the old review you asked for, Caro?
-------------------
Last weekend I had the unique opportunity to test fly the hottest new wing that everybody's been talking about - Interstate Rendering Corporation's new "Dead
Cow". Don't confuse this beauty with the ordinary cow you saw in "Twister" - IRC's model is dead and bloated to perfection. Dead so that you won't have to contend with panicky, flailing hooves, and bloated just right to give it that perfect "NASA lifting body" shape.
"Whoa!” you say. "Don't get into that egghead-aerodynamicist stuff. How does it fly?" Well, I took it to Elsinore, pulled up to launch in my 4Runner and the stench was unbelievable. I had to keep the windows open to keep the smell down and let the flies out. This glider should definitely NOT be carried in the passenger compartment - tip number one.
Setup was a breeze, however, the natural bloat lined up the spine easily and automatically. Just a couple of hand dollies and it was easy to move the Dead Cow up to launch. Don't worry about the swarming flies. Once off the hill, your airspeed will keep them (and the rotting smell) away. Also, no harness is necessary, just place a garbage bag over the saddle area (no sense getting mush on your jeans) and place a hand on each horn. Then give it a couple of "bobsled bobs" and you're off! I felt like Slim Pickens in "Dr. Strangelove" whooping it up, joyously dripping strange, viscous fluids on gliders below me!
The in-air handling was fantastic! IRC has come up with the perfect glider in the Dead Cow. I was able to quickly locate a thermal with about 25 turkey vultures in it, and just a slight lean to the left and I was coring that sucker perfectly! It's one of those deceased-animal gliders that "grooves" a thermal effortlessly.
The only negative thing I have to say about the Dead Cow is its landing characteristics. Although the sink rate and glide seemed about equal to most large dead mammals, I found the flare window to be almost nonexistent and the horns are much too far ahead to get proper flare. My result was a whack and a bit of a mess. The front hooves punctured the bloated stomach causing a massive rupture, sending rotting entrails, maggots and green mucous flying everywhere.
Whoops. Even dogs ran in the other direction. On the positive side, nobody yelled "Whack!” but there were a few who screamed "My God, the stench!"
The Dead Cow has passed DHV certification and if the new "sutured anus" feature fixes the colon rupture problem, it should easily pass the Negative 150 test and gain HGMA certification.
In summary, I would highly recommend the Dead Cow to the pilot who has to have the latest and greatest toy, but doesn't mind the dizzying, mind numbing stench of putrid, rotting bovine flesh. Also be forewarned that you'll probably be taking out a few stomachs for a while before you get your landings down!
Russ Brown
============================================================
From: Kevin Frost <hankmacnasty@home.com>
Subject: Re: Dead Cow review revisited
This sounds just like Dense Pages review of the Exploding Putrefied Whale. Has either of you guys ever flown a glider you didn't like? Pages takes out a VW bug still hanging onto the blowhole and a riding a thousand pound chunk and calls it "a sporty and fun glider great for intermediates or experts alike". He didn't mention their sorry parts service record did he?
A guy was flying a brand new Dead Cow at the Harrison meet last weekend and it totally sucked. He barely made it to Frank's house where he made an out of control approach and whacked in with a gaggle of turkey vultures and a cloud of flies in tow (sure wheels would have helped in this particular situation, but where are ya gonna mount them and do ya really want more drag). I think the Month Old Road Kill Elk made right here in Idaho is twice the glider, but I'm gonna hold off buying till I get a chance to see the hot British Hoof and Mouth Sheep Carcass that everyone is talking about... is GW ever gonna get one through customs?
I heard WW has already fitted all these gliders with a $2000 carbon graphite horn or antler upgrade kit and Bright Star jumped on the dead animal bandwagon and fitted a prototype Dead Cow with a cockpit and stick control and extended the udders (I guess cockpit is an even more appropriate description in this case since the control stick is a dead rooster).
KF